literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
