i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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