I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
