We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
