Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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