I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
