As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize