Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
