My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
