Michael Bay diarrhea
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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