I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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