OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
