My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize