Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
