it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize