I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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