I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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