there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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