It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was confusing and full of hummus
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
