you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize