'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
