just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
