put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
