If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
