I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
