I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
