i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
