i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
