yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just googled if crying burns calories
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
