So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize