Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize