All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
