Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
