He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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