I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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