i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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