I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
