I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
