Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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