On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
