he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
