So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
