Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
