in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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