I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
