Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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