; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
