just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
