Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
