end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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