but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
