Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
