i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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