I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
