seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
