you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh god it's open bar.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
