She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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