dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
