My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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