Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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