every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
