Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
