Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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