Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
