I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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