dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
