proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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