Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
