He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
