Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
