How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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