Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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