I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
