Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize